Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And then my night got REAL pukey
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
