The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
