it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
