God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
