How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
