Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
