My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
