Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you win again, gameday.
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She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
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Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.