I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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