So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
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its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
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You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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