Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
