Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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