mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow