I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.