I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
