I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
