we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
