Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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