we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
