Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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