I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
a search helicopter?!
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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