Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
