am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
