if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
