And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
