Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
