oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
