hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
