just come out here and I will go home with you...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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