There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
did you just send me my own nude
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
