Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
