Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
