I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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