so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
