he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
