she smelled like a LAN party
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
