Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
