Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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