Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize