Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
