he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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