she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Porn is love you can see.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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