Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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