The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
