Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Send help, water and tortillas.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
