I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
