I want to walk on stilts...naked
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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