this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
