I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
