Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
