so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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