Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
They took my balls.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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