whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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