She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
They have beer where we have blood.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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