the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
