Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
