DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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