She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
