I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
