walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
