he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
