i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
