She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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