Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
