Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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