Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
