the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
