Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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