Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Panties = found
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
