drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
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