What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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