is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
