Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
