who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize