All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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