I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
soo... how was my night?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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