sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Man, jail baloney is awful.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
