the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
