He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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