you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Congratulations! We have a period
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
