Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
