brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
