good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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