listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
