i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
