The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
