mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize