Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
