Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
