i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
