I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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